Setting Boundaries in the Postnatal Period
I often hear from mothers how hard it can be to navigate boundaries. Even when you know what you need, saying no or setting limits can stir up guilt. That little voice telling you you’re being “selfish” or letting someone down can make boundaries feel almost impossible to hold.
These moments often show up in the everyday, even small decisions that, on the surface, seem simple but carry a lot of emotional weight. They touch on expectations, relationships, and the deep sense of responsibility that comes with being a mother.
When Boundaries Bring Up Guilt
Going out with friends
A first-time mum was invited to a friend’s birthday dinner in the city, an hour away. Accepting meant missing her baby’s bedtime for the first time, something she didn’t feel ready for since her son was breastfed. Declining the invitation brought guilt - worrying she had let her friend down - but she also knew that if she went, she’d spend the whole evening preoccupied.
Returning to work
A mother of two young children had recently returned to work part-time when she was offered a new project. Her automatic response was to say yes, eager to show her workplace that she was still committed. Yet she also knew that the project would mean long hours, late nights, and added stress. Guilt told her she was letting colleagues down if she refused; resentment loomed at the thought of the sacrifice it would demand from her family time.
Visitors in the postpartum period
After the baby was born, visits from her mother-in-law often happened without warning. While the new mum truly appreciated the support, the unexpected visits left her feeling quite overwhelmed. Guilt made her feel she should always be grateful and accommodating, while resentment quietly built with each surprise visit, leaving her stuck between two difficult emotions.
Boundaries and the Compassionate “No”
Setting boundaries doesn’t have to feel harsh or unkind. Often, it’s possible to say no in a way that communicates care and respect for others while still honouring your own needs.
For example, a mother declining a social invitation might say: “I’d love to catch up another time when things are a bit calmer at home.” Or requesting notice for visits from relatives could sound like: “I really appreciate your support. Could we plan visits ahead so I can make the most of our time together?”
These small changes in how boundaries are communicated can reduce guilt and help maintain relationships, while still prioritising wellbeing.
Taking Care of Yourself Matters
It is important to take care of yourself and your needs. If you’re finding it difficult to assert boundaries or feel weighed down by guilt when you try, seeking support can be incredibly helpful. You can book an appointment with me either in-person or via video call. Together, we can explore how to approach boundaries with more confidence and compassion, so you can feel steadier and more supported in your motherhood journey.
