Why Mum Rage Happens and How to Cope
Anyone who thinks the intense emotions of pregnancy end after birth is sorely mistaken. With hormonal changes, huge lifestyle shifts, and likely a large degree of exhaustion, those early days, months, and even years are some of the most emotional you will ever face.
Mum rage is exactly what it sounds like—an intense feeling of frustration, anger, and irritability. If you’ve ever felt completely overwhelmed by a sudden burst like this, you’re not alone.
Why Does Mum Rage Happen?
Exhaustion: One of the biggest triggers of mum rage is sheer exhaustion. Sleep deprivation is an inevitable part of caring for a newborn or small children, and it can significantly affect your mood and emotional regulation. When you're running on little sleep, your body and mind become less capable of managing stress. Your tolerance is lower, and small issues can feel like major problems.
Increased Responsibility: You're suddenly responsible for someone else’s wellbeing 24/7. The weight of this new role can lead to feelings of being trapped, overwhelmed, and even resentful at times. It’s easy to feel like you’re constantly giving (because you probably are, especially if you have more than one child), without much time to take care of your own needs or recharge.
Depression and Anxiety: Postpartum depression and anxiety can contribute significantly to mum rage. Hormonal changes after birth, combined with the pressures of new motherhood, can bring on intense feelings of sadness, anxiety, and frustration. These emotions can sometimes spill over into anger when they’re not processed or managed effectively.
If you feel that you may be struggling with depression or anxiety, please contact a helpline like PANDA or make an appointment to see a psychologist.
Lack of Support: Feeling isolated or unsupported can also contribute to mum rage. If you're shouldering the majority of the childcare or household responsibilities on your own, the resentment can build up, and it can quickly turn into anger. It’s essential to have a support system, whether that’s your partner, family, or friends, to help ease the burden.
Societal Pressure: There’s also a lot of external pressure on mothers to be perfect. We live in a world where “super-mum” is the expectation—able to balance work, home life, and childcare effortlessly. When we inevitably fall short of these expectations, it can lead to self-criticism, frustration, and, ultimately, rage.
How Mum Rage Impacts Relationships
When mum rage becomes overwhelming or frequent, it can affect not only your own emotional wellbeing but also your relationship with your child and your partner.
Impact on Parenting: if you’re reading this, you have likely already worked out that intense anger can seriously affect the way you interact with your baby. It may lead to feelings of guilt afterward, especially if you feel that your anger has impacted your child's experience of you as a loving and calm parent. But the key to understanding this is recognising that mum rage is a reaction to the emotional weight you’re carrying—not a reflection of your love for your child.
Relationship Strain: Mum rage can also affect relationships with your partner. The sense of being overwhelmed by parenting responsibilities can cause frustration that gets directed toward your partner, especially if you feel they aren’t pulling their weight. This can lead to arguments, distance, and feelings of resentment.
Seeking Support
Remember, you’re not alone in this. If you’re struggling with managing mum rage or any other difficult emotions such as depression and anxiety, seeking support can be incredibly helpful. You can book an appointment with me either in-person or via video call. Together, we can work towards finding emotional balance and peace in your motherhood journey.
