Letting Go of Perfectionism: Why Good Enough Parenting Matters
A Melbourne psychologist’s guide to freeing yourself from unrealistic expectations and embracing good enough parenting.
As a new mum, it’s easy to feel like you have to be perfect in every aspect of motherhood. But striving for perfection can be detrimental to everyone’s mental health. Letting go of unrealistic expectations and embracing “good enough” parenting can benefit both you and your child, so you can relax more and enjoy your children and the chaos of parenthood.
The Pressure to Be Perfect
If you’ve ever found yourself feeling like you’re not doing enough, you’re not alone. Most new mums are under intense pressure, not only from societal expectations but also from a lifetime of striving for perfection and achievement. This pressure comes from believing that we have to excel in everything—whether it’s our career, our relationships, or, of course, our parenting.
When it comes to parenting, we believe that our children’s happiness and wellbeing rest entirely on our shoulders, and this can lead to feelings of guilt and frustration when things don’t go according to plan.
But here is the reminder many mums need to hear: It’s not our job to make our children happy. And when we accept this, we allow ourselves to breathe a little easier and embrace the reality of being a “good enough” parent.
Why Your Child Doesn’t Need a Perfect Parent
Many mums move through motherhood feeling like they need to get everything right all the time. Perfectionism can quietly show up as pressure to always be patient, always know what to do, and always meet your child’s needs in exactly the “right” way. It can leave you feeling like there is no room for mistakes, hard days, or moments when you fall short of the parent you hoped to be.
But the truth is, your child does not need a perfect parent. They simply need a parent who is loving, present, and trying their best. Good enough parenting is about showing up with care and connection, while also recognising that mistakes, frustration, and difficult moments are a normal part of parenting.
Why Good Enough Parenting Really Is Enough
Research suggests parents only need to respond to their child’s emotional needs around 30% of the time to support secure attachment. One of the best pieces of advice I give to new mums is to aim for “good enough”. You don’t need to be fully present in every moment of your child’s day. In fact, trying to do so can leave you feeling overwhelmed and frustrated.
Aiming to respond 30% of the time is a powerful way to embrace “good enough” parenting. This approach gives you space to breathe, while still being an emotionally present and supportive parent. It also allows your child to develop independence and learn how to cope with small frustrations and challenges, which are essential life skills.
You’ll also be able to give yourself the grace you deserve. Parenting isn’t about being perfect all the time—it’s about showing up, being emotionally available, and taking care of yourself too.
Learning to Embrace Good Enough Parenting
If you are finding the pressure of motherhood overwhelming, or struggling with feelings of guilt, or not feeling “good enough,” therapy can help. You may book an appointment online here.
