Scary Thoughts About Your Baby: You Are Not Alone
Understanding intrusive thoughts of accidental and intentional harm after birth
Some thoughts can feel almost impossible to say out loud.
You may suddenly picture your baby falling, slipping under the bath water or being hurt in some other way. Sometimes the thought may be even more confronting: What if I hurt my baby?
These are called intrusive thoughts. They arrive without warning, feel unwanted and can be completely out of character. Having them does not mean you want them to happen, and it does not make you a bad mum.
Intrusive thoughts of accidental harm
Thoughts of accidental harm usually begin with “What if?” You might think, What if I drop the baby on the stairs? What if my baby stops breathing? What if something happens while I am bathing them?
These thoughts are incredibly common. Most new mums experience intrusive thoughts of accidental harm at some point after birth.
Your mind has become highly alert to anything that could threaten your baby. When you are exhausted, anxious or adjusting to the enormous responsibility of caring for someone so small, that protective system can become very loud. The thought may feel frightening, but it is not a prediction that something will happen.
Intrusive thoughts of intentional harm
Some mums experience thoughts or images in which they appear to cause the harm themselves. For example, What if I lose control when my baby won’t stop crying? These thoughts can bring intense fear, guilt and shame.
Around half of new mums experience intrusive thoughts of intentional harm.
The word intentional describes what happens in the thought—not what the mum wants. When a thought is unwanted, distressing and completely against your wishes, it does not mean you want to harm your baby. Research has also found that mums who reported these thoughts were not more likely to behave aggressively towards their babies than mums who did not.
You are not alone, and you do not need to hide these thoughts because you are worried about being judged.
A note about postpartum psychosis
Intrusive thoughts are not the same as postpartum psychosis. With an intrusive thought, you recognise that the thought came from your mind, you do not want it to happen and it upsets you.
Postpartum psychosis is rare, affecting around 1–2 in every 1,000 mums after birth. It involves losing contact with reality and may include hearing or seeing things that are not there, strongly believing things that are not true, severe confusion, unusual behaviour or being unable to sleep for days. It is a medical emergency, but it is treatable and recovery is possible.
Do you feel like you are in crisis or require immediate support? Please call 000 or contact the below services. They will be able to help you.
PANDA – 1300 726 306
Lifeline – 13 11 14
Beyond Blue – 1300 22 4636
Women’s Domestic Violence Crisis Service (Safe Steps) – 1800 015 188
You do not have to carry this alone
Intrusive thoughts can feel frightening, but they are much more common than most mums realise. If they are taking up too much space, leading to checking or avoidance, or making it difficult to enjoy time with your baby, talking about them can help.
You can speak openly with me in a calm and non-judgmental space. I offer psychology appointments in Coburg and online across Australia. You are very welcome to get in touch when you feel ready.
